Saturday, November 13, 2010
Depression
Is it good that a person only eats one meal in a 24 hour period?
Why do I keep returning to this place? This is not a place I choose to be at. Jesus I put my hands in yours in hopes that you can guide me through. I know you warn me that it will get dim before it will get bright again. But why does have to be so dark? Why does it have to be so lonely. I ask you why.
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
October 12
I wanna just throw in the towel. I want to say I'm done you win. I will make people mad at me. I feel giving in winning and continue to fight losing this battle.
Please make demons in my head go away!
Monday, August 2, 2010
Eff it July
I have lost of lot in the last 31 days but it gave me the opportunity to realize that no one on this planet have your back like he does.
The trust that I have lost; the friendships I have lost was severe! I thank you all whom turned your back on me because I realize I don't need you.
My journey has never been so long. The fight has never been so severe. I have made a promise to a few that I won't give up. So I can't ; no I won't.
One thing I have learned is that no one on this big blue ball has my interest in hand but me. This has taught me one thing: “I must stay focus.”
They say the world is cold, I refuse to believe it I say grab a jacket and make your path!
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Eff'd
My salvation to this is that I'm able to escape to the fiction but when it goes away life is there staring you in the face. It saddens me that my life has come to this; to know that I can get no better. It depresses me that no one will understand me when I explain it to them. It angers me that I will never have anyone make my pain go away.
Saturday, July 17, 2010
What songs do you know all the words to?
Ask me anything, even anonymously
When you can't sleep what do you do?
Just play on my phone. Watch old cartoons
Dis Twigga be bored, don't be afraid ask me anything I will tell all
Saturday, June 19, 2010
Depressed state of mind?
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
Cancer Sucks
Then my dad finds out that he has prostate cancer which after his surgery it was a success and he was sent home with no cancer all.
Now six months later we find ourselves in an another quandry to say the least. It was discovered that my father is going in on round two against cancer.
Now I am very hopeful that we will win this battle much like we did before but I just can't help but to think why now! Why in the most confusing time of my life does this has to happen. I don't want you to think that I am selfish and only thinking about myself when I know my father is in pain with battle, but I have many other demons that I am trying to overcome. I guess in a way you can say that I am selfish to not be ready to let him go.
Jesus as I know you can hear me I ask you to give him the strength to defeat this again, give us the strength to say help him get through this and give me the strength to say strong through all of this.
Thank you, Jesus ...
Friday, May 28, 2010
F*** it Friday
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Saturday, May 22, 2010
Saturday, May 15, 2010
What do you think you’ll major in college be?
Ask me anything, even anonymously
Thursday, May 13, 2010
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Do u keep ur room messy or are u a neat freak?
Ask me anything, even anonymously
Sunday, May 9, 2010
What did you eat for dinner today?
Ask me anything, even anonymously
Thursday, May 6, 2010
What’s the most spontaneous thing you have ever done and why?
Ask me anything, even anonymously
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
1 of my favorite poems of the lord.
One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord. Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky.
In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand. Sometimes there were two sets of footprints, other times there was one only.
This bothered me because I noticed that during the low periods of my life, when I was suffering from anguish, sorrow or defeat, I could see only one set of footprints, so I said to the Lord,
“You promised me Lord,
that if I followed you, you would walk with me always. But I have noticed that during the most trying periods of my life there has only been one set of footprints in the sand. Why, when I needed you most, have you not been there for me?”
The Lord replied, “The years when you have seen only one set of footprints, my child, is when I carried you.”
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
I don't know anymore
Sunday, May 2, 2010
Solitude Sunday
Saturday, May 1, 2010
Monday, April 26, 2010
whats the most unexpected thing we can expect from you??
Ask me anything, even anonymously
You have to spend the rest of your life living the same exact day over and over again, what do you want that day to be like?
Ask me anything, even anonymously
Contacting me
Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/jc__russell
Yahoo: jcrussell.rm
pmessenger: E5AF0B3C
texting and photo sent: jc__russell@itim.me
skype: jcrussell79
oovoo: jcrussell79
Sunday, April 25, 2010
Why do you want to be a father so badly?
I just want to know my life meant something to someone even if I have to create the human myself. At the end of the day when you look around you realize that you cannot make contribution to the earth and making this a better or worse place then you feel that you think that you are worthless. I regret not wanting to this sooner but I am ready now and more ready day by day.
Dis Twigga be bored, don't be afraid ask me anything I will tell all
If you could eat lunch with one famous person who would it be?
Ask me anything, even anonymously
What was the last book you read?
hmm idk i usually read everything i need online
Dis Twigga be bored, don't be afraid ask me anything I will tell all
What would be the best thing about being a vampire?
If I was one I would say but I am not.
Dis Twigga be bored, don't be afraid ask me anything I will tell all
If you could wake up as anyone tomorrow, who would it be?
Someone who was the father of a baby.
Dis Twigga be bored, don't be afraid ask me anything I will tell all
Saturday, April 24, 2010
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
Rant 2
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
Rant 1
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
Bush got slapped!
The train goes into a dark tunnel and a few seconds later
there is the sound of a loud slap.
When the train emerges from the tunnel, Bush has a
bright red hand print on his cheek.
No one speaks.
The old lady thinks:
Bush must have groped the blonde in the dark, and she
slapped him.
The blonde girl thinks:
Bush must have tried to grope me in the dark,
but missed and fondled the old lady and she
slapped him..
Bush thinks:
Obama must have groped the blonde in the dark. She tried to
slap him but missed and got me instead.
Obama thinks:
I can't wait for another tunnel, so I can Slap the Shit out of Bush
again.
Friday, April 2, 2010
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
Sunday XXX Scene
At first she really didn't say a whole lot then about 2 minutes into she start to freak asking for her phone. So I started to think to myself, why is she freaking out so badly.
As I am reading the comments on the inbox side it had some pretty graphic things on it, something that a girl her age should be exposed to. So I decided to go to the sent side of the conversations and when I got there I learned that she was saying equally graphic things and then I noticed it...
This girl that I knew from birth; not even before birth. When she was a sparkle in her parents eyes (if that's how its said). She had sent pictures of her "private areas" and were sending them to boys (I will go further into that but I am calling them boys)
So I quickly told her mom about this and we started to research the numbers and where these boys lived. All of these boys live in different states. After I calmed down a ton. We started talking to her and at this point she was an emotional mess. We also discovered that some if not all were 18 and older. So as I am calling these dudes I am informing them that they will be prosecuted as her mom will be filing a report to the police on each of these boys.
As I stated earlier I am calling them boys as they aren't men to be messing around with a girl who is 13.
So I really need your guys help as I don't know what the fuck I am going to do with this situation. I don't think her guardian is going to do anything about it nor wants to. I understand alot of is her fault but at the same time these boys should not be asking her to do this stuff whether she is 13 or 16 (as one boy try to say she said it was)
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
Ode to Boobs
Small ones, big ones.
Little one, Enormous ones.
Gripable ones. They are nice.
They are nice too look at.
They are nice to play with day or night
They are so soft, so delicate and so fun
Thank for having different varieties.
Monday, March 22, 2010
Time goes by
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
3 Kids Fishing
Before the Secret Service guys could get to him, 3 kids who were fishing pulled him out of the water.
He was so grateful he offered the kids whatever they wanted.
The first kid said, 'I want to go to Disneyland '
Barack said, 'No problem, I'll take you there on Air Force One.'
The second kid said, 'I want a new pair of Nike Air Jordan shoes.
Barack said, 'I'll get them for you and even have Michael Jordan sign them!'
The third kid said, ' I want a motorized wheelchair with a built in TV and stereo headset!'
Barack was a little perplexed by this and said, 'But you don't look like you're handicapped.'
The kid said, 'I will be after my dad finds out I saved your ass from drowning!
Thursday, March 4, 2010
formspring.me
Who is your favorite author? What is your favorite book? What is your favorite genre to read?
I really dont have a favorite author. My favorite book is "Where the Sidewalk ends." Autobiography.
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
New Presidents Bills
Since we are changing bills I would like to introduce these other dollars:
"Negative Bill" with President Nixon on the front
"Grover Cleveland Bill" The only bill that you can get half the value today and wait four yeah and get the other half value on.
"Franklin D Roosevelt Bill" The longest bill
"New $1 bill" with James Buchanan
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
....
Sunday, February 21, 2010
Being Unfair
I am back at the beginning. I am back at where I started with nothing to give.
You may think I am being selfish then I guess I am being selfish. Selfish - concerned excessively or exclusively with oneself; seeking or concentrating on one's own advantage, pleasure, or well-being without regard for others For most people you would take that a being negative for those people I say you will never be able to win this argument as your negativity will not allow it.
Saturday, February 20, 2010
JC-isms
J. C. is loves the teams Indianapolis Colts, Chicago Cubs, and White Sox.
J. C. has never had a girlfriend prior to the 12th grade in high school had 2 girlfriends and neither relationship lasted any longer than 60 days.
J. C. enjoys reading Wikipedia because of all the important data that it has and can easily take pleasure in mapping from fact to fact.
J. C. has never owned a non-American made car.
J. C. loves the color orange, and black.
J. C. grew up in Anderson for 23 years and moved to Indianapolis to work in his career in Information Technology.
J. C. has been a Sprint user since May 2001 although they have pissed me off outrageously over time I have stayed with them.
J. C. longest relationship of any type has been with Staples where he has worked full-time and now part-time for 6.75 years starting back in February '99.
J. C. cannot cook food that requires a lot of use of stoves, ovens or any other kitchen equipment except a microwave.
J. C. watches the Simpsons and Family Guy like it's going out of style and favorite episode is "And the wiener is…" which first aired August 8, 2001.
J. C. was in the bottom 20% class ranking but in college he was #1 in his field and #2 overall.
J. C. has an IQ of 128.
J. C. has worked with two branches of the Federal Government in 2005, the IRS and DFAS, both contracts.
J. C. once spent a Saturday watching his favorite movie, Back to the Future I, II, and III. Star Wars I, II, III, IV, V, VI runs a close second.
J. C. is known to write poetry.
J. C. is a southpaw.
J. C. has two nieces, nephew and has 2 godsons and goddaughters.
J. C. favorite quotes are "I chose not to grow up instead I chose to grow on," and " If you want the rainbow, you have to put up with the rain."
J. C. was born on August 9, 1979.
J. C. enjoys eating pizza, hamburgers, and salads; yet his favorite restaurants are Blimpies and Subway.
J. C. isn't a quitter and never has back down from anything within reason.
J. C. wasn't breathing when he was born.
J. C. wears size 12 shoes and rings.
J. C. first chat room experience was in AOL (room name unknown), and non-AOL experience was wbs.net, since then he has used icq, paltalk, and yahoo.
J. C. often skips the first step when walking up stairs of any kind.
J. C. realizes that there are days when his brain works slower than other days.
J. C. still loves the original Nintendo because of the Tecmo Football Game.
J. C. is on Skype - jcrussell79
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Cumulative Time
Today I woke up with something weighing me down. Decisions that need to be made in my life has messed with with me mentally. Should I stay or should I go. Should I let well enough alone. Should I fix what I know I broken? Should I tell them that it isn't going to work the way I thought it would? I feel myself crying inside. I give up. I am done trying to make myself happy. It cannot be done.
Monday, February 15, 2010
No important news
Friday, February 12, 2010
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Good Blog
No Black History Month
Okay you have read it? Now let me first state what I agree with them in this blog.
1. There aren't any legal slaves in the United States today
2. There aren't any legal slave owners in the United States today.
3. Most people can tell you when Black History Month is.
Alright since the writer of this blog is only sixteen I would like to hope that they learn the world a little better than the just posting a blog that rips a month that teaches you about a different culture.
They stated in a festering statement there isn't any other Heritage Month but, there are and here are a few:
Asian Pacific American Monday is May
American Indian Heritage Month is November
American Hispanic Heritage Month is September 15 - October 15
There are plenty of other since you are making blogs on the Internet you may want to use that same Internet to do research on what your stating.
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
formspring.me
If you were stuck on a deserted island what would you miss the most: easy access to food and shelter or the internet?
You can always get food and shelter from the island as it's a part of natural human survival skills but I think I would go crazy with having the Internet and most importantly twitter.
Weak Difference
I hope that none of you that read this never have to go through with what I deal with. I know that isn't possible because I know that everyone has problems. I know that everyone has their demons that keep them down. I guess I should probably say I hope that it doesn't ever get you depressed as me.
I feel I need to take a break from my self loathing depressing expressions and feelings to say to him, "Thank you for all that you give me, I know the roads are always bumpy and you never give us more than we can handle. I just feel that I am getting more than my share at this point in my life. In the end though I remind myself, that if he has brought me to it then he will bring me through it. Finally I want say to him through this I want thank you for carrying me through the rough times of self doubt and sorrow."
Monday, February 8, 2010
formspring.me
Who is J. C.?
I am person who likes to have fun. Who enjoys to be happy but, recently I have been stricken with depression. I am an avid Colts fan. I am 30. I sincerely want a child. It pains me that everyday that I don't have one. I wish someone could allow me to know what it's like to be a father. I enjoy listening to Michael Jackson music (R. I. P.)
J. C. Russell likes to have fun.
Sunday, February 7, 2010
New Orleans Saints Super Champions
Friday, February 5, 2010
formspring.me
Where were you born. And why.
I was born in Anderson, Indiana; I was born to make people happy :)
Thursday, February 4, 2010
formspring.me
Outside of twitter do you use any other social networks (i.e myspace, facebook, linkedin, plaxo)? Do you link them together?
Obviously I am very social. I have all of the above. Myspace and Twitter are linked together. Facebook and Plaxo are linked together and I only log into Linked when someone sends me a request to add them. If I were to class each I would say 1. Twitter 2. Facebook 3. Plaxo 4. Linkedin 5. Myspace
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
formspring.me
what is your favourite decade and offer a few reasons why it is your favourite?
I am not sure if I have a favorite decade. I have moments in each that were special. I am looking to make the 10s great just like the 00s, the 90s, 80s and the four months that I was in the 70s
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
formspring.me
Republican or Democratic
I cannot say whether I am a Democrat or Republican. I try to stay in an inform voter. Vote on what I feel is the correct way not whether Bush, or Obama or Rush Limbaugh or Michael Moore says. Today I could be a Democrat and vote on things like they would but tomorrow I may be Republican and vote on things like they would. I refuse to stay one party over another.
fml
I want to be alone, I want to be away from all of this since I cannot obtain my joy. I am desperately asking. I am begging you. I cannot do this to anyone else. I don't want anyone to feel what I feel.
I apologize to everyone. I am sorry to everyone. I am not whom you want me to be. I am not fulfilling my potential. I am sorry.
Monday, February 1, 2010
formspring.me
Is that u in the picture?
Yes it is. I think I was a year old when that picture was taken
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Friday, January 29, 2010
formspring.me
Would you rather work at a large company or a small one?
There are benefits of each. Large companies usually pay better but have no good benefits. Smaller companies have the family feel.
Friday, huh, it's funny how that day always fall before the weekend.
First of all I want to say "Thank god, he has woken me up to enjoy another day without you my life wouldn't have much meaning at all."
Okay now that we got that taken care of, let's get out to business...
This has been not so normal of a week I have seen good things come into my life. I have seen bad things come into my life. I have seen my happiness come and go many times this week. I feel that I am falling apart.
I hope to one day be able to make you understand what I go through. I try to look at with the idea of "if it isn't important in 10 years it isn't important now," that only works to a degree and often causes more pain, stress and sorrow.
Joy will eventually come into my life? My only salvation that keeps me going is that, "If he had brought you to it, he'll bring you through it."
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
formspring.me
How old were you when you lost your virginity?
Umm I really didn't have a girlfriend until I was 17 that didn't really happen until I was 18.
formspring.me
How much money do you need to have to stop working
Even if I was like a millionaire or billionaire I probably will still work or something because I can't sit at home doing nothing all day. I would probably start a foundation though
formspring.me
How much money do you have to have to stop working?
Let's just say I better no quit working today.
formspring.me
Do you have children? Do want children?
Yes maybe three or four (I am not opposed to adopting but one has to be mine naturally)
Friday, January 22, 2010
People are going to hate me for saying and that fine I do not care. There are some stars that I feel that would care about human interest more than others. I am not saying that MJ would have been the #1 guy but fuck who would have.
I will end this by saying Thank You, Wyclef for being there in the beginning and helping. For those who are acting like you care for more publicity and to improve your own career; God will take care of you.
Championship Weekend
Additionally, I am heading to an orientation in downtown Indianapolis for all of our new employees. This is going to be very exciting because I have yet to see our "backyard" yet.
As I end this weekend is upon us I wish everyone that reads this a safe and enjoyable weekend and for others that live in New Orleans/Indianapolis please be safe make your teams proud!
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Good Evening
Sometimes I feel like running away. Sometimes I feel like saying Fuck it and walking away from this crap. I can't stand to be like this. My pain is getting to be deep in my soul. I try to hold up a front but no matter how well I hold up an appearance for everyone they can see my pain it's in my eyes, it's in my heart. I am probably have everyone against me, I don't care.
I never call for help because I know that it generally never does but I am saying I need your help. Fuck it. Why am I even trying? I know that you may never get this time to help even still you won't believe that it is needed.
As I write this I ask myself should I really make my feeling this known to the world? Who would listen? Who would give a fuck? Do I have regrets at what I do? Yes I do. Do I feel cleansed from saying all of this? No but, one day I might.
**drops the mic and walk away**
Back after 15 years
them.
The Little Crack In The Wall.
I sit in a dark, black room with nothing except for the light that peers from a little crack in the wall. Looking through that crack in the wall, I see everybody that I know from the part and present, looking at them having the best times of their lives without me. Still I sit in the dark, looking at the crack, looking at everybody I once knew fighting, shooting and killing each other. While I still sit in this dark, black room, I peer out through the crack in the wall. I look around and see drugs, beer, cigarettes, and other harmful drugs being misused. Teenagers having babies, gang bangers taking over the world. The world has gone to hell- that’s what it is. I take one last peer out and to my surprise and misbelieve, I see that everything that has just been there is now gone, and it’s shocking that you can see something one minute and gone the next. And as I die, I can only think of all the things that I missed out on, but thinking of all drugs, shooting, and killing that went on, I was kinda glad for sitting in the dark, black room away from all the violence.
Originally written is 1995
J. C.