Saturday, November 13, 2010


Is it normal for a person to sleep their weekend away?
Is it good that a person only eats one meal in a 24 hour period?
Why do I keep returning to this place? This is not a place I choose to be at. Jesus I put my hands in yours in hopes that you can guide me through. I know you warn me that it will get dim before it will get bright again. But why does have to be so dark? Why does it have to be so lonely. I ask you why.

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

October 12

It's been a while since I been at this place. I thought this place no longer existed within me but I guess life has a way to bringing you back to where you belong. I don't think I can fight this anymore. I don't know what to do. I want to scream and run but I know I can't. To be the strong mean your able to stand up for what your normally afraid to do. I can't do that anymore.

I wanna just throw in the towel. I want to say I'm done you win. I will make people mad at me. I feel giving in winning and continue to fight losing this battle.

Please make demons in my head go away!

Monday, August 2, 2010

Eff it July

Whoa! This has been hell of a month! I feel like I have been kicked, punched and jumped for 31 days but guess what jerks I am still here. I survived because one person ensured that I would!
I have lost of lot in the last 31 days but it gave me the opportunity to realize that no one on this planet have your back like he does.
The trust that I have lost; the friendships I have lost was severe! I thank you all whom turned your back on me because I realize I don't need you.
My journey has never been so long. The fight has never been so severe. I have made a promise to a few that I won't give up. So I can't ; no I won't.
One thing I have learned is that no one on this big blue ball has my interest in hand but me. This has taught me one thing: “I must stay focus.”
They say the world is cold, I refuse to believe it I say grab a jacket and make your path!

Wednesday, July 21, 2010


I just can't understand why my life is so messed up. I try to be the best person. I try to love and be loved. I try not let ones I care for be hurt but it seem like I fail. I have no feeling for you. I have no feeling for me. I have no feeling at all.
My salvation to this is that I'm able to escape to the fiction but when it goes away life is there staring you in the face. It saddens me that my life has come to this; to know that I can get no better. It depresses me that no one will understand me when I explain it to them. It angers me that I will never have anyone make my pain go away.

Saturday, June 19, 2010

Depressed state of mind?

I can't say that I'm surprise of my recent revalation it saddens me to find out that it's true. I don't know where to go. I don't know whom to turn to. Who can see my pain, who has done what I have done? We all understand that growing up really sucks but maybe if we didn't? Maybe we just stayed nieve until we die? Just maybe...

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

Cancer Sucks

As most of you all know that I had the deadly c word play a big part of my 2009 by taking the life of my uncle with brain and prostate cancer.
Then my dad finds out that he has prostate cancer which after his surgery it was a success and he was sent home with no cancer all.
Now six months later we find ourselves in an another quandry to say the least. It was discovered that my father is going in on round two against cancer.
Now I am very hopeful that we will win this battle much like we did before but I just can't help but to think why now! Why in the most confusing time of my life does this has to happen. I don't want you to think that I am selfish and only thinking about myself when I know my father is in pain with battle, but I have many other demons that I am trying to overcome. I guess in a way you can say that I am selfish to not be ready to let him go.
Jesus as I know you can hear me I ask you to give him the strength to defeat this again, give us the strength to say help him get through this and give me the strength to say strong through all of this.
Thank you, Jesus ...

Friday, May 28, 2010

F*** it Friday

I was asked to change my ways and I have done this but changing has not been good enough. I have been asked to be a better person I did and still failed. If you will look for faults in a human; you will definitely find them. If you look for a reason to make someone to go then you have will achieve them. If you look for a something to bad for a person you will succeed. I say to this is it. I am done with this I enjoy your friendship, I enjoy what we had but I don't think I can do this any longer. I hate being the enemy. I hate being the one that is constantly wrong. I am not 100% bad, I will admit I am not 100% good either and I admit to the world I have done wrong and to this I apologize....

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Saturday, May 15, 2010

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

What are you doing?

What are you doing?

Ask me anything, even anonymously

Why do you go by the name J Dawg?

Becuz of business people who try to google mi name

Ask me anything, even anonymously

Do you have a crush on ne of ur friends right now? ;)

What kind of blanket do you go to sleep with?

i have a big black and grey blanket i sleep with

Ask me anything, even anonymously

Do u think cows are yummie?? =P

What would you normally be doing if you weren’t answering questions on

How often do u go to the movie theatre?

Would you rather undergo two root canals in one day or break your foot?

What are you doing?

What was your favorite birthday?

Ask me anything, even anonymously

would you fuck a clown or a midget first?

Do u keep ur room messy or are u a neat freak?

I am very messy but I try to keep everything clean when needed tho

Ask me anything, even anonymously

Thursday, May 6, 2010

What’s the most spontaneous thing you have ever done and why?

Honestly I don't know or remember? I am usually spontaneous a lot of the time. My life motto is expect the unexpected with me.

Ask me anything, even anonymously

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Do you pee in the shower?

If you were given the chance to experience what it is like to be deaf (provided you aren't already) for a day, would you take it?

Just a day yes. and to be blind too as long as it was for a day

Ask me anything, even anonymously

If you could choose to know any ONE thing about the future, what would you want to know?

1 of my favorite poems of the lord.

Footprints in the Sand

One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord. Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky.

In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand. Sometimes there were two sets of footprints, other times there was one only.

This bothered me because I noticed that during the low periods of my life, when I was suffering from anguish, sorrow or defeat, I could see only one set of footprints, so I said to the Lord,

“You promised me Lord,
that if I followed you, you would walk with me always. But I have noticed that during the most trying periods of my life there has only been one set of footprints in the sand. Why, when I needed you most, have you not been there for me?”

The Lord replied, “The years when you have seen only one set of footprints, my child, is when I carried you.”

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

I don't know anymore

I try not to let this bother me. I try not to let it get to me. Maybe if I don't think about it then I can get on with life. But it's not fair to me to ignore the problem and let it fester inside me. To let it grow within it is a pain that you cannot even imagine. I have tried to fix it but I have failed. I have tried to make it work but I have failed. I don't think I can try anymore.

Sunday, May 2, 2010

Solitude Sunday

I am sitting inside of a Starbucks near my home. No one knows my name, no one knows my problems, no one knows what bothers me at night. It's peaceful here it's a change of pace from normal life. I can set my mind as ease and be free. Even if it is only 30 minutes. I just sit here without a care in the world at this moment. On this day of rest from the Lord ("King of Kings") I think I have found a small piece of solitude.

Monday, April 26, 2010

iPhone blog

My first iPhone blog, lol

whats the most unexpected thing we can expect from you??

Excellent question. I range from a wild comment that shocks everyone to a statement that makes everyone laugh. Then I will say something so amazing that would get you to cry and stand up to applause.

Ask me anything, even anonymously

You have to spend the rest of your life living the same exact day over and over again, what do you want that day to be like?

waking up to a BJ then playing on the PC throughout the day then having a quickie around 2p then eat exotic foods throughout the day then have sexfest starting at bedtime.

Ask me anything, even anonymously

If you were a superhero, what kind of traits would you look for in a sidekick?

Being smart and creative if i get into trouble to save my ass

Ask me anything, even anonymously

Contacting me

Here are information in ways to chat me up.

Yahoo: jcrussell.rm
pmessenger: E5AF0B3C
texting and photo sent:
skype: jcrussell79
oovoo: jcrussell79

Sunday, April 25, 2010

Why do you want to be a father so badly?

I just want to know my life meant something to someone even if I have to create the human myself. At the end of the day when you look around you realize that you cannot make contribution to the earth and making this a better or worse place then you feel that you think that you are worthless. I regret not wanting to this sooner but I am ready now and more ready day by day.

Dis Twigga be bored, don't be afraid ask me anything I will tell all

If you could eat lunch with one famous person who would it be?

Previous to June 2009 I would have said Michael Jackson but now I am not quite sure. I could say Bill Gates, or the President but idk

Ask me anything, even anonymously

If you could only listen to one song for the next month, which would it be?

#michaeljackson - #thisisit

Dis Twigga be bored, don't be afraid ask me anything I will tell all

If you could ask Barack Obama one question what would it be?

Can I dunk on you?

Dis Twigga be bored, don't be afraid ask me anything I will tell all

What was the last book you read?

hmm idk i usually read everything i need online

Dis Twigga be bored, don't be afraid ask me anything I will tell all

What would be the best thing about being a vampire?

If I was one I would say but I am not.

Dis Twigga be bored, don't be afraid ask me anything I will tell all

If you could wake up as anyone tomorrow, who would it be?

Someone who was the father of a baby.

Dis Twigga be bored, don't be afraid ask me anything I will tell all

Saturday, April 24, 2010

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Rant 2

It amazes me that women let this guys that they know are no good get them pregnant and when a good one wants to have a kid they like oh I am not ready and crap. WTF. I admit I don't make 6 figures but I do make more than minimum wage.

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Rant 1

It amazes me no matter what I do to make the situation better it always comes out to be the same resolution. I will never be able to win here. I will never be able to succeed. If you cannot admit that you did wrong then there will never be us nor there should never be a point of us to start over.

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Bush got slapped!

Sitting together on a train was President Obama, George W. Bush, a little old lady, and a young blonde girl with large boobs.

The train goes into a dark tunnel and a few seconds later
there is the sound of a loud slap.

When the train emerges from the tunnel, Bush has a
bright red hand print on his cheek.

No one speaks.

The old lady thinks:
Bush must have groped the blonde in the dark, and she
slapped him.

The blonde girl thinks:
Bush must have tried to grope me in the dark,
but missed and fondled the old lady and she
slapped him..

Bush thinks:
Obama must have groped the blonde in the dark. She tried to
slap him but missed and got me instead.

Obama thinks:
I can't wait for another tunnel, so I can Slap the Shit out of Bush

Friday, April 2, 2010

What did the Easter Egg say to the boiling water? Its gonna take a while to get me hard I just got laid by some chick... lol...

Happy Easter

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Sunday XXX Scene

Okay here is the deal, on Sunday I went to my goddaughter house and I was working on her mother's laptop. She had a hard drive that need her hard drive replaced. As the hard drive was finishing the process of expanding on the laptop. I saw my goddaughter phone laying there on the table and I picked it up.

At first she really didn't say a whole lot then about 2 minutes into she start to freak asking for her phone. So I started to think to myself, why is she freaking out so badly.

As I am reading the comments on the inbox side it had some pretty graphic things on it, something that a girl her age should be exposed to. So I decided to go to the sent side of the conversations and when I got there I learned that she was saying equally graphic things and then I noticed it...

This girl that I knew from birth; not even before birth. When she was a sparkle in her parents eyes (if that's how its said). She had sent pictures of her "private areas" and were sending them to boys (I will go further into that but I am calling them boys)

So I quickly told her mom about this and we started to research the numbers and where these boys lived. All of these boys live in different states. After I calmed down a ton. We started talking to her and at this point she was an emotional mess. We also discovered that some if not all were 18 and older. So as I am calling these dudes I am informing them that they will be prosecuted as her mom will be filing a report to the police on each of these boys.

As I stated earlier I am calling them boys as they aren't men to be messing around with a girl who is 13.

So I really need your guys help as I don't know what the fuck I am going to do with this situation. I don't think her guardian is going to do anything about it nor wants to. I understand alot of is her fault but at the same time these boys should not be asking her to do this stuff whether she is 13 or 16 (as one boy try to say she said it was)

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Ode to Boobs

I like all sizes.
Small ones, big ones.
Little one, Enormous ones.
Gripable ones. They are nice.
They are nice too look at.
They are nice to play with day or night
They are so soft, so delicate and so fun
Thank for having different varieties.

Monday, March 22, 2010

Time goes by

As the time goes by I wonder how different is my life without you in it. Should I be sad? Should I be happy. I yearn for you in my life but I cannot have you in it as there are so many things that I need to see happen. I need to be able to believe in it again. I need to be able to see that there is something that is going to be. I just need to see.

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

3 Kids Fishing

Barack Obama was out jogging one morning along the parkway when he tripped, fell over the bridge railing and landed in the river below.
Before the Secret Service guys could get to him, 3 kids who were fishing pulled him out of the water.
He was so grateful he offered the kids whatever they wanted.
The first kid said, 'I want to go to Disneyland '
Barack said, 'No problem, I'll take you there on Air Force One.'
The second kid said, 'I want a new pair of Nike Air Jordan shoes.
Barack said, 'I'll get them for you and even have Michael Jordan sign them!'
The third kid said, ' I want a motorized wheelchair with a built in TV and stereo headset!'
Barack was a little perplexed by this and said, 'But you don't look like you're handicapped.'
The kid said, 'I will be after my dad finds out I saved your ass from drowning!

Thursday, March 4, 2010

Who is your favorite author? What is your favorite book? What is your favorite genre to read?

I really dont have a favorite author. My favorite book is "Where the Sidewalk ends." Autobiography.

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

New Presidents Bills

So there is discussion to have Reagan replace Grant on the $50 bill. The $50 question Grant or Reagan.

Since we are changing bills I would like to introduce these other dollars:

"Negative Bill" with President Nixon on the front

"Grover Cleveland Bill" The only bill that you can get half the value today and wait four yeah and get the other half value on.

"Franklin D Roosevelt Bill" The longest bill

"New $1 bill" with James Buchanan

Tuesday, March 2, 2010


It is cause of you my heart is cold. It is because of you I refuse to trust anyone. It is because of you that I stop eating, stop sleeping and I want to stop breathing. I wish I could have you, I wish you want me to be with you, to hold, and watch you grow. I cannot believe you can put me through this. I feel like I am dying inside it is because of you. I try to hide you its not working. I try to ignore you but you refused to be ignored. It is because of you I am alone. It is because of you I am scared. It is because of ....

Sunday, February 21, 2010

Being Unfair

Why should I continue with this... is it fair to me not have what I want? Is it fair for me to be able to hold what I want and knowing that I cannot seek this here but yet you want me to stay is it fair for me to know that I will NEVER become what I want to be if I stay here? You have not even have offered the opportunity to prove it wrong. My guess when it breaks then you'll be ready to prove it wrong but then it'll be too late. I feel if you are reading this and in attempts to understand me then I feel that it's too late.

I am back at the beginning. I am back at where I started with nothing to give.

You may think I am being selfish then I guess I am being selfish. Selfish - concerned excessively or exclusively with oneself; seeking or concentrating on one's own advantage, pleasure, or well-being without regard for others For most people you would take that a being negative for those people I say you will never be able to win this argument as your negativity will not allow it.

Saturday, February 20, 2010


J. C. is a big fan of prowrestling and has been watching WWF/WCW/WWE/TNA since '87 in which favorite all-time wrestler is Hulk Hogan.

J. C. is loves the teams Indianapolis Colts, Chicago Cubs, and White Sox.

J. C. has never had a girlfriend prior to the 12th grade in high school had 2 girlfriends and neither relationship lasted any longer than 60 days.

J. C. enjoys reading Wikipedia because of all the important data that it has and can easily take pleasure in mapping from fact to fact.

J. C. has never owned a non-American made car.

J. C. loves the color orange, and black.

J. C. grew up in Anderson for 23 years and moved to Indianapolis to work in his career in Information Technology.

J. C. has been a Sprint user since May 2001 although they have pissed me off outrageously over time I have stayed with them.

J. C. longest relationship of any type has been with Staples where he has worked full-time and now part-time for 6.75 years starting back in February '99.

J. C. cannot cook food that requires a lot of use of stoves, ovens or any other kitchen equipment except a microwave.

J. C. watches the Simpsons and Family Guy like it's going out of style and favorite episode is "And the wiener is…" which first aired August 8, 2001.

J. C. was in the bottom 20% class ranking but in college he was #1 in his field and #2 overall.

J. C. has an IQ of 128.

J. C. has worked with two branches of the Federal Government in 2005, the IRS and DFAS, both contracts.

J. C. once spent a Saturday watching his favorite movie, Back to the Future I, II, and III. Star Wars I, II, III, IV, V, VI runs a close second.

J. C. is known to write poetry.

J. C. is a southpaw.

J. C. has two nieces, nephew and has 2 godsons and goddaughters.

J. C. favorite quotes are "I chose not to grow up instead I chose to grow on," and " If you want the rainbow, you have to put up with the rain."

J. C. was born on August 9, 1979.

J. C. enjoys eating pizza, hamburgers, and salads; yet his favorite restaurants are Blimpies and Subway.

J. C. isn't a quitter and never has back down from anything within reason.

J. C. wasn't breathing when he was born.

J. C. wears size 12 shoes and rings.

J. C. first chat room experience was in AOL (room name unknown), and non-AOL experience was, since then he has used icq, paltalk, and yahoo.

J. C. often skips the first step when walking up stairs of any kind.

J. C. realizes that there are days when his brain works slower than other days.

J. C. still loves the original Nintendo because of the Tecmo Football Game.

J. C. is on Skype - jcrussell79

Thursday, February 18, 2010

Cumulative Time

Two days ago I made the decision to give up soft drinks and hard candy for Lent. I also decided to get some exercise in my life for at least the next 40 days and hopefully it sticks with me after the 40 days. Additionally I have also I will resume life on Facebook starting February 26

Today I woke up with something weighing me down. Decisions that need to be made in my life has messed with with me mentally. Should I stay or should I go. Should I let well enough alone. Should I fix what I know I broken? Should I tell them that it isn't going to work the way I thought it would? I feel myself crying inside. I give up. I am done trying to make myself happy. It cannot be done.

Monday, February 15, 2010

No important news

I have just enable your ability to post directly to my blog without authorization. I am hoping I am not setting myself up for trouble and more anger but, here goes nothing.

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Good Blog

Thank you lord for allowing me to enjoy today. This is by far the best day that I have been this happy in some time it is great thing when you open your heart to him and allow in how much clearer the days become. I know I don't say this alot because I am usually depressed and sad but today is different. Why I don't know it's just different. Maybe it's my job, maybe it's my twitter, maybe it's just my life I don't know. I know this won't feeling won't last forever but I do know while it's here I want to grasp them moment.

No Black History Month

First of all I want you to take a look at this attached link and read it fully Black History Month I'll give you a few minutes to absorb it's message.

Okay you have read it? Now let me first state what I agree with them in this blog.
1. There aren't any legal slaves in the United States today
2. There aren't any legal slave owners in the United States today.
3. Most people can tell you when Black History Month is.

Alright since the writer of this blog is only sixteen I would like to hope that they learn the world a little better than the just posting a blog that rips a month that teaches you about a different culture.

They stated in a festering statement there isn't any other Heritage Month but, there are and here are a few:

Asian Pacific American Monday is May
American Indian Heritage Month is November
American Hispanic Heritage Month is September 15 - October 15

There are plenty of other since you are making blogs on the Internet you may want to use that same Internet to do research on what your stating.

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

If you were stuck on a deserted island what would you miss the most: easy access to food and shelter or the internet?

You can always get food and shelter from the island as it's a part of natural human survival skills but I think I would go crazy with having the Internet and most importantly twitter.

Weak Difference

I can't believe it has been entire week since I last wrote within my blog. I have had a lot of ups and lot downs. I have been happy some and I have been sad mostly. I can say that I haven't really been that depressed since last Thursday when it finally passed after my three day stint.
I hope that none of you that read this never have to go through with what I deal with. I know that isn't possible because I know that everyone has problems. I know that everyone has their demons that keep them down. I guess I should probably say I hope that it doesn't ever get you depressed as me.
I feel I need to take a break from my self loathing depressing expressions and feelings to say to him, "Thank you for all that you give me, I know the roads are always bumpy and you never give us more than we can handle. I just feel that I am getting more than my share at this point in my life. In the end though I remind myself, that if he has brought me to it then he will bring me through it. Finally I want say to him through this I want thank you for carrying me through the rough times of self doubt and sorrow."

Monday, February 8, 2010

Who is J. C.?

I am person who likes to have fun. Who enjoys to be happy but, recently I have been stricken with depression. I am an avid Colts fan. I am 30. I sincerely want a child. It pains me that everyday that I don't have one. I wish someone could allow me to know what it's like to be a father. I enjoy listening to Michael Jackson music (R. I. P.)
J. C. Russell likes to have fun.

Sunday, February 7, 2010

New Orleans Saints Super Champions

I want to say Congratulations to the New Orleans Saints for obtaining their first Super Bowl Title ever against the Indianapolis Colts. As painful as it is for me I have to say you guys deserve it.

Friday, February 5, 2010

Where were you born. And why.

I was born in Anderson, Indiana; I was born to make people happy :)

Thursday, February 4, 2010

Outside of twitter do you use any other social networks (i.e myspace, facebook, linkedin, plaxo)? Do you link them together?

Obviously I am very social. I have all of the above. Myspace and Twitter are linked together. Facebook and Plaxo are linked together and I only log into Linked when someone sends me a request to add them. If I were to class each I would say 1. Twitter 2. Facebook 3. Plaxo 4. Linkedin 5. Myspace

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

what is your favourite decade and offer a few reasons why it is your favourite?

I am not sure if I have a favorite decade. I have moments in each that were special. I am looking to make the 10s great just like the 00s, the 90s, 80s and the four months that I was in the 70s

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Republican or Democratic

I cannot say whether I am a Democrat or Republican. I try to stay in an inform voter. Vote on what I feel is the correct way not whether Bush, or Obama or Rush Limbaugh or Michael Moore says. Today I could be a Democrat and vote on things like they would but tomorrow I may be Republican and vote on things like they would. I refuse to stay one party over another.


Today I thought I was having a good day until it hit me that I am missing something in my life. I am missing something that makes me completely happy. Something that would make me complete. I can't understand why I cannot obtain it? Most others get it and don't want it or refuse to be responsible with it. It angers me. It sadden me.

I want to be alone, I want to be away from all of this since I cannot obtain my joy. I am desperately asking. I am begging you. I cannot do this to anyone else. I don't want anyone to feel what I feel.

I apologize to everyone. I am sorry to everyone. I am not whom you want me to be. I am not fulfilling my potential. I am sorry.

how old r u ?


Monday, February 1, 2010

Is that u in the picture?

Yes it is. I think I was a year old when that picture was taken

Friday, January 29, 2010

Would you rather work at a large company or a small one?

There are benefits of each. Large companies usually pay better but have no good benefits. Smaller companies have the family feel.

What's your favorite sport?


Friday, huh, it's funny how that day always fall before the weekend.

Friday it's funny how that day always fall before the weekend.

First of all I want to say "Thank god, he has woken me up to enjoy another day without you my life wouldn't have much meaning at all."

Okay now that we got that taken care of, let's get out to business...

This has been not so normal of a week I have seen good things come into my life. I have seen bad things come into my life. I have seen my happiness come and go many times this week. I feel that I am falling apart.

I hope to one day be able to make you understand what I go through. I try to look at with the idea of "if it isn't important in 10 years it isn't important now," that only works to a degree and often causes more pain, stress and sorrow.

Joy will eventually come into my life? My only salvation that keeps me going is that, "If he had brought you to it, he'll bring you through it."

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

How old were you when you lost your virginity?

Umm I really didn't have a girlfriend until I was 17 that didn't really happen until I was 18.

How do you spend free time?

#wii #twitter

How much money do you need to have to stop working

Even if I was like a millionaire or billionaire I probably will still work or something because I can't sit at home doing nothing all day. I would probably start a foundation though

How much money do you have to have to stop working?

Let's just say I better no quit working today.

Evolution or creation?

Evolution had to be created at some point so Creation.

Do you have children? Do want children?

Yes maybe three or four (I am not opposed to adopting but one has to be mine naturally)

Best gift you ever got?

Everyone's friendship and acceptance

Friday, January 22, 2010

The one person that probably would have been the biggest supporter for Haiti has been take away from us to soon, Michael Jackson.
People are going to hate me for saying and that fine I do not care. There are some stars that I feel that would care about human interest more than others. I am not saying that MJ would have been the #1 guy but fuck who would have.
I will end this by saying Thank You, Wyclef for being there in the beginning and helping. For those who are acting like you care for more publicity and to improve your own career; God will take care of you.

Championship Weekend

Okay here it is. We are at the AFC/NFC championship weekend. I personally think this weekend is as excited or more exciting than the Super Bowl weekend as this the last weekend that two lucky teams (this year it is New Orleans Saints and yes my favorite Indianapolis Colts...much props to each) get to allow their home teams put on a great show for all of America!

Additionally, I am heading to an orientation in downtown Indianapolis for all of our new employees. This is going to be very exciting because I have yet to see our "backyard" yet.

As I end this weekend is upon us I wish everyone that reads this a safe and enjoyable weekend and for others that live in New Orleans/Indianapolis please be safe make your teams proud!

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Good Evening

**picks up the mic**

Sometimes I feel like running away. Sometimes I feel like saying Fuck it and walking away from this crap. I can't stand to be like this. My pain is getting to be deep in my soul. I try to hold up a front but no matter how well I hold up an appearance for everyone they can see my pain it's in my eyes, it's in my heart. I am probably have everyone against me, I don't care.
I never call for help because I know that it generally never does but I am saying I need your help. Fuck it. Why am I even trying? I know that you may never get this time to help even still you won't believe that it is needed.
As I write this I ask myself should I really make my feeling this known to the world? Who would listen? Who would give a fuck? Do I have regrets at what I do? Yes I do. Do I feel cleansed from saying all of this? No but, one day I might.

**drops the mic and walk away**

Back after 15 years

Someone was asking how I really felt today and this is the best response I could give

The Little Crack In The Wall.

I sit in a dark, black room with nothing except for the light that peers from a little crack in the wall. Looking through that crack in the wall, I see everybody that I know from the part and present, looking at them having the best times of their lives without me. Still I sit in the dark, looking at the crack, looking at everybody I once knew fighting, shooting and killing each other. While I still sit in this dark, black room, I peer out through the crack in the wall. I look around and see drugs, beer, cigarettes, and other harmful drugs being misused. Teenagers having babies, gang bangers taking over the world. The world has gone to hell- that’s what it is. I take one last peer out and to my surprise and misbelieve, I see that everything that has just been there is now gone, and it’s shocking that you can see something one minute and gone the next. And as I die, I can only think of all the things that I missed out on, but thinking of all drugs, shooting, and killing that went on, I was kinda glad for sitting in the dark, black room away from all the violence.

Originally written is 1995

J. C.

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Eating dinner at Pizza Hut decided I needed to spoil myself with a pasta, and a salad since I have already worked 20 hours already this week. I never am going to complain as this extra money that is being made.

Welcome to my up world

Welcome this is first of many crazy entries. I will attempt to write thoughts, ideas, feeling and emotions of yours truly. Now, if this offends you then please click the red X in the top right corner. I hope if anything I can entertain you and give you an insight of the world in my eyes.